Monday, February 14, 2011

Marriage Mondays

I've thought a lot about whether I was going to blog about my marriage and if I was, how I was going to do it. One of the things I noticed when I started reading blogs was that the people who did blog about their husbands only had great things to say. Each of them was married to the best man and just adored him. It sounded like the husband was perfect. Maybe he was. My guess is that he wasn't. As I've said before, a blogger that I enjoyed reading, one day suddenly said her marriage was over and she and the kids had to leave. That was a shock. Reading her blog before that you would've thought she had one of those perfect husbands and, actually, perfect lives. Maybe he blindsided her and she didn't see it coming. I'm guessing that's not the case. My hope in writing this blog is to show an honest picture about an average woman's life. Being married is a huge part of my life so how can I show an accurate picture if I don't include my marriage?

I don't intend for this to become husband bashing. I love my husband, very much. He is a very good man. He's excellent at his job. He is a good father and husband. He's very talented. But, man, he can be really annoying. One of my favorite podcasts is Manic Mommies. It is one of the first podcasts I started listening to. It hooked me because in the first show I listened to the Mommies were complaining about their husbands. They weren't painting them to be idiots or completely incompetent but they were talking about their issues. They were being completely honest. Sometimes a girl's just gotta vent. That's what these two friends do and that's what I do with my friends. This is just a place for me to vent. I know I'm not alone but I haven't found any blogs that show that side of life.

I don't know how often I'm going to have Marriage Mondays. Once a week? Once a month? We'll see.

This is today's issue.

Last week my husband and I got into an argument. I like to get everything out there and work it out. He does not. He is very non-confrontational. What tends to happen is we argue, get upset and then just leave it at that. I want to come back together at some point and resolve it. Kiss and make up. He wants to go on like it never happened. So, we argued one night last week and haven't talked about it since. I've told him many times I want to resolve things, not just pretend they never happened. I have ALWAYS been the one to either do it his way and not bring it up again, or I'm the one who brings it up again to resolve the issue. I've told him before how important it is to me to resolve issues and how much it would mean to me for him to bring it up. He NEVER has, not once. So, it's Valentine's Day and I'm torn. Do I just forget it, wait for him to come to me, or bring it up? The issue is not that big. It's the point that I'm tired of being the one to do it his way. I'd like him to show me how important I am and come to me. In the big picture, is it that important? No. I think of the woman who used to get upset about her husbands leaving his socks on the ground and then he dies and she wishes she would see his socks on the ground. How would I feel if he never came home? Does he think about it that way? What if something happened to me? How would he feel knowing I wanted him to come to me to resolve something and he never did? (Actually, I'm sure that thought would never cross his mind.) I'm planning on us being married for a long, long time. I don't like having an argument and not resolving it. Do I have to accept that it's going to be this way forever or is it reasonable to expect him to bend my way at least sometimes? Hmm. We'll see. I think we'll be having a talk tonight.


  1. Hi there,

    Love your blog. I appreciate someone blogging about the fact that their life/husband/whatever isn't perfect. Love the honesty. :)

    PS found you from's MPM

  2. He might be stonewalling, men have a lower physilogical thresh-hold for emotional arousal. One thing that I've found that helps is to teach my husband self-soothing techniques. Check out John Gottman for more information. I noticed this when once during an argument, my husband appeared to be ignoring me...I happened to check his heart rate and it was elevated. It doesn't mean that it's okay, but it did help me realize that it wasn't that he didn't care but that he was overwhelmed.